How to Lose a Girl with Just One Text

I've worked at the wine store for over 6 years now.  Yuck, just typing that makes me sick.  I honestly didn’t think I’d work there more than a couple months.  But I’m still there.

Like I’ve mentioned before, I meet a lot of interesting people. 

I had one gentleman that didn’t come in very often, but he’s a tough one to forget.  He’s a big guy, 6’5” and I think very handsome.  He’s not only big in height but I’d say he’s got a couple extra pounds on him.  Not too much, just right; just the right amount to hold onto.  He looks to be about 45 years old, has sandy brown hair, big hands and big feet (you know what that means J) a nice smile and very blue eyes.  He’s fun to look at and I’ll admit I may have had a couple dreams about him.

When he does come into the store, I get a little excited and nervous.  He always has a big smile for me and is very polite and complementary.  He looks me over, gives me a wink and tells me how nice it is to see a tall beautiful woman, dressed to the 9’s and in heels.  When he leaves the store, like all the other times, I think: Wow!  I really wanted and thought he was going to ask me out. 

Anyway, I’m working one Saturday evening with Samantha.  Samantha is about 23 years old and a self-proclaimed nerd.  She is super smart, stringy hair, big nose and glasses.  She was on Jeopardy and did really well.  She has a wit about her that is fantastic.  Even though we have nothing in common, I love talking with her. 

We finish with our rush hour and I decide I would like to run to the Coffee Shop for a coffee.  Their coffee is such a treat that it makes the hours go by faster.

I make my order a non-fat, decaf white chocolate mocha with no whip.  As I’m waiting, leaning against the wall I see him.  I haven’t seen him in a long time and he looks good.

He was walking through the store and stops abruptly looking in my direction.  I see him and suddenly feel warm.  It looks like he’s deciding if he wants to come to talk to me. 

Yes!  Come over to talk with me!   I look away thinking No!  Don’t come over!  I’m nervous!  I’m not sure I can handle it!  My heart is doing double time when I look back and see him walking to me.  Oh goodness – here we go!

“Hi – don’t you work in the liquor store?”  He says with a devilish smile on his face.

“Yes I do.” I say with a blush. 

“I would recognize those legs anywhere.”

Wow.

“What?  My legs?”  I say trying my best to keep standing.   

“Yes, your legs.” He says checking them out once again.  “I just have to say I’ve walked past your store so many times just to look at your legs.  You’ve worked there for a while now haven’t you?”

“Yes, I feel like I live there.” I say smiling but with so much nervous energy that I could light up New York City. 

“I remember you – I used to go through your store years ago.  I haven’t been in for a long time.” 

“Why’s that?”

“I’m sorry, I’m Mike and your Cheetahtort – right?” He asks avoiding my question yet I’m still very impressed he remembered my name until I recall I was wearing a name tag.

“Well, it was nice to see you again – I have to get my shopping done.  I hope to see you again.” He says and walks away.

I smile at him confused, “Nice to see you too.  Have a good night.” 

I walk back into the liquor store with my coffee and tell Samantha what just happened.  I’m so bewildered as to why this man would walk up to me and compliment me and then just walk away abruptly.  What did I do wrong in those few seconds?  It would have been nice if he asked me out. 

“Hmmmm . . . ” she says with a look on her face that wonders if she can figure this out like a math problem.

“You know guys can be really shy too.” 

“He doesn’t look like a guy that would be shy.” I say. “He complemented me on my legs.  Guys that have courage like that are not shy.”  As I’m saying this Mike is walking through our doors into the liquor store.

I smile at him and Samantha has no idea that this is Mike.

“Hi again!” He says with a smile that says I just needed to talk to you more.  “I need a red wine to go with the steaks I just bought for my party tonight.  Can you help me choose the appropriate wine?”

“Of course, what do you like, Cabernet? Merlot? Pinot?”  Samantha asks not knowing he’s talking to me.

He gives me a look telling me that he didn’t want her help, but mine.  But I let this happen and want to play this out.  Knowing deep down inside he came in to talk to me more. 

She helps him pick out a wine and they come to the counter.  I’m standing behind it drinking my coffee.  She starts to ring him up. 

“What, are you the bouncer here?”  He says to me.

I look down at myself and I have my arms crossing my chest and I either look like the boss or the bouncer. 

I laugh at his comment and say “Well, someone has to watch over the store for people like you.”  I say trying to be witty and failing miserably.

Samantha turns to look at me and notices my nervous energy.  She instantly knows that this is the guy.  She then says “What, Cheetahtort?  She’s just here to make sure we make the right wine selections.  If we don’t she always steps in.  She’s very knowledgeable.” 

“Samantha is just kidding.  She’s knows more than I do and she made an excellent choice for you and your friends.”

“Well, you ladies have a good night.” And he was gone. 

I looked at Samantha and say “What? Again?  It must have been my joke.”

Samantha was just as confused as I was.  “You could tell he wanted to ask you out but was just too nervous.  It was really cute actually.” 

“You thought he was nervous?”   

“Of course!  I think I might have even seen him sweat!”  She starts to laugh!

“Cheetahtort!  Guys get nervous too!  You are a beautiful woman and he obviously wants to get to know you but doesn’t know how to go about it.  You haven’t heard the last of him.  That I’m sure.”

I think about what she says and it gives me hope.  But he’s done this so many times before.

About an hour passes and the phone rings.  Samantha and I are standing around purposely not working and just chatting about what’s going on in our lives. 

“Wine and Spirits” I say as I pick up the phone.

No one is there – “Wine and Spirits” I say again into the phone.  Once again nothing happens and I say to Samantha – “No one’s there.”

“Hello?”  I hear on the other end. 

“Hello?”  I say. 

“Yeah, I’m looking for Cheetahtort?”

“This is Cheetahtort, can I help you?”

“Cheetahtort, this is Mike – I met you by the Coffee Shop.”

I look over to Samanta and smile – she knows instantly that it is Mike on the phone.

“Yes, hi Mike, what can I do for you?”

“Well, listen, I’ve been in your store so many times.”  He hesitates “So many times before.”  He continues.  Another pause.  He hems and haws.  “Listen – I’m sorry – I haven’t done this in a long time – but I’ve noticed you a long time ago.  Actually walked through your store looking for you, looking at your legs and wanting to ask you out, but couldn’t.  I was married.  I’ve now been divorced for about 6 months and am now getting the courage to ask you out.  Can I take you out for coffee or lunch sometime?”  He spoke so fast like he wanted to get all the words out before he lost the courage. 

Wow – men really are scared!  He had two chances to ask me in person but chickened out and had to wait until he got into the safety of his home and ask me out on the phone.  He couldn’t risk getting rejected in person.  I had to laugh at this.  I loved this.  Men really are just as nervous as women. 

“That’s so nice.  Thank you.  That would be really nice.  Yes.”

“I’m making dinner right now for my friends, could you take my number down and call me?”

“Um, ah sure.” I say wondering why he isn’t asking me for my number.  But why should he be any different than any man I’ve met in the past and be normal?  Although, he did take the first step and called the store for me – so I gave him the benefit of the doubt.  I took down his number and told him I’d call him soon.

“Looking forward to it!  I’ve got to go and I’ll talk to you soon.”

I act like a typical guy and wait a day or two to call him.  I get the courage and call.  We talk for about 10 minutes and then he says he needs to go.  It was such a brief conversation I can’t even tell really what kind of guy he is.  I throw my hands up in the air and say “I give up!” to myself.  He didn’t ask me out again!

As I’m driving home from work the next day he calls.  I look at my phone and wonder if it’s worth it for me to pick up.  Is he just going to say a few words and then have to go again?

I take the chance and pick up.  He talks to me like we’ve known each other forever.  He tells me a little about his divorce.  I notice he doesn’t ask me too many questions but I’m getting used to this.  

“Well, what do you say Cheetahtort, should we get together for dinner some night?”

Finally! 

We decided to go out for drinks at a bar close to my part-time job as I had to work that evening until 8.

I pull into the parking lot and start walking into the bar when I hear “Hey Beautiful.”

I turn around to see him walking my way and smile.  He gives me a once over, shakes his head and gives me a big bear hug. 

Wow!  Didn’t expect that!  But it was nice, I guess.

We sit down in a booth and I order myself a glass of wine.  He orders himself an iced tea. 

Uh oh. I think to myself.  Why only an iced tea?

I don’t have to wonder too long.

“I’m a recovering alcoholic, I’ve been sober for 15 years now.”

I give him a questioning look.  “Um – you were just in my store and bought wine.  You didn’t buy non-alcoholic wine.”

“The wine is for my friends.” He says staring at me trying to judge my reaction.

“Well, good for you!  Fifteen years!  That’s awesome.”

“You don’t mind?”

“Why would I mind?”

“Well, my ex minded.  She liked to go out and drink to get drunk.  She hated it that she didn’t have a drinking partner any longer.  That eventually split us up.  Well, not just that.  She wasn’t into sex anymore.  I’d try and try to seduce her – but she wouldn’t have it.  See, I’m the type of guy that likes to have sex.”

Here we go again . . . why do guys give out too personal information right away.  Does he really think I’m interested in hearing about his sex life? 

“Um . . . what guy isn’t?”  I say laughing and trying to shrug it off.  

“I know and I thought women liked to have sex too!  We used to have a great sex life then she just wasn’t into it anymore.” 

I notice he talks really fast and has an anxious energy about him.  He’s tapping his fingers on the table and tapping his feet.  He’s constantly moving.  It’s kind of unsettling.

I try to steer the conversation to other appropriate topics like what he does for a living, does he have kids, what he likes to do (besides sex).  You know normal first date conversations.

It worked for awhile.  I found out that he has a daughter that he absolutely adores.  He has a great job and makes a lot of money.  He has three houses and many cars.  I’ve never gone out with a wealthy man before and this makes me nervous.  My mother always told me “the only way to keep a man faithful is to keep him on a budget.”  The guys I’ve been on dates with lately don’t have jobs; live with their parents and are up to their eyeballs in debt because of their multiple DWIs. 

The conversation goes back to his sobriety.  He tells me he wasn’t just addicted to alcohol but also cocaine.  I notice his nerves again and wonder if it’s because he’s talking about his addictions.  This makes me even more nervous as I’ve never done drugs. 

Overall, the date is nice.  I question if I want to go out with an alcoholic and ex-drug addict?  Where are the men without baggage?  I’m without baggage, well except my cat, Isabeau.  Is it so bad for me to want the same in return?  But, he has been sober for over 15 years.  Maybe I can deal with this.

He pays for the drinks and his appetizers and we walk to the parking lot. 

“Did I tell you I have a hot tub at my house?” He asks as we walk to my car.

“No, you didn’t.  That sounds very appealing!”  I smile wondering where he is going with this.

“Don’t laugh at my car.”  I say trying to take the conversation elsewhere.

“What’s wrong with your car?”

“Uggg, I hate it and my hub cap fell off so it looks ghetto.  I have an extra but I can’t get it on myself.”

“Well, let’s see what we can do about that.”  He says and I get all excited to have a man that is willing to help.

“I don’t have the hub cap with me.”

“Well, when do you work next?  Bring your hub cap in and I’ll come to help you out.”

How nice!

“Thank you!  I work again tomorrow.”

“I’ll come by to help when I’m done with work.” He suggests, and then gives me another bear hug.  This is nice.  Really nice.  This strong hug makes me feel safe. 

We say our goodnights and are on our ways.

As I’m driving away my phone rings.  It’s him and I smile.  Normally when a guy calls me right away I’m extremely annoyed.  But when he called I was happy.

I answer.  “What’s up?”

“Hey – did I miss out on an opportunity to have you come over and into my hot tub?”

I laugh.  “Ummm no – I don’t think that would be right.”

“Not right?  Why?”  He says fast. 

“Maybe some other time when we know each other more.”  I say still laughing at how presumptuous men can be.  Normally, a question like this would present a red flag.  But I kind of like him and wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt.  Sometimes I give up too fast. 

“Alright, have a good night and I’ll see you tomorrow.” He says with a disappointed tone.

The next day, he walks into the store and for some reason I feel very close to him and protected by him.  It was the way he was looking at me.  The way he was walking to me with purpose.  The way he put his arms around me like we’ve been together for a long time and I was his. 

“Hi, Beautiful.  Did you have a good day?  Did you bring your hub cap?”  He asks, looking down to me and still holding me.  I look up to him and love this feeling. 

“I totally forgot it this morning.  I’m sorry.  I should have told you earlier before you came in.  But I’m glad I still get to see you.” 

He gives me a quick smile.

“Alright.  Well, I’ll help you when we see each other again.  I’ve got to run.”  He says with his frantic energy once again.

“Oh, O.K.”  I say wondering why he can’t stay to talk for a bit, especially since I was leaving that weekend for a family trip and wasn’t sure when I would be able to see him again.

While I’m gone, I get a lot of texts from him.  He wants to see me when I get back.  I get an excited feeling  - the feeling where you think your belly is full of butterflies.    

“Did you think about me while you were gone?”  He asks me on the phone when I got back into town.

How could I not with all his text messages.

“Yes, I did.  Did you?”

“You were all I thought of.”  He said in a very low sexy voice.  Yeah, I can get used to this.  He makes me flush. 

“Can we see each other tomorrow?”  He asks.  “I’ve missed you.”

“Yes, I’d like that.” 

“Well, I’m off to a friend’s house right now – I’ll call you when I leave.”

While he’s at his friend’s house he continues to text me.  A lot of texts!  Random/stupid texts like – “What are you wearing?”  “I want to see you.”  “I’m telling my friends all about you.”  “My friends all hated my wife and they want to meet you.”  “I can’t wait to see you tomorrow!”  “I wish I were with you instead of here.”

“Pay attention to your friends!  I’ll see you tomorrow.”  I text back.  Why isn’t he busy with his friends?  What are they doing?  Is he doing drugs again?  Sitting around drinking, doing drugs and talking about me? 

Then I get the TEXT.

The text reads:   “Do you like oral sex?  Cause I’ve wanted to eat your pussy since the first day I saw you.”

Excuse me?  Gross!  He must be back on drugs?!  How do you say that to someone that you’ve just met?  Someone you haven’t even kissed yet!

I don’t respond.

He texts again.  “Did I scare you off?”

“Don’t ever contact me again.”  I text back extremely disappointed.

And he never did.

So, Who's this Tiger?

I wanted to introduce Tiger to my many (ha!) readers.  Here’s the story on how we met:

After my boyfriend (Hose Head) and I broke up, I was a bit in the dumps.  My girlfriends wanted to get me out to have a good time.

“Cheetahtort, seriously – we need to take you out!  You need a good time.  Let’s take Carly up on her invitation to her cabin in Siren!” Maddie, my best friend, said to me when I was feeling down.  “A night down there is always therapeutic!  Good times, beer and men.  We have to go and you need to let loose!” 

“Alright, Alright – let’s do it.  Let’s go and have some fun.” 

Jada (the birthday girl in my last post) was so happy that we finally decided to go. 

Maddie, Bethany, Bethany’s husband, Ethan, Jada and I take the hour and a half drive to Siren to Carly and Carly’s boyfriend, Neal’s cabin.  Once we arrive, they greeted us with a beer.  This is going to be a good time I thought. 

We get settled with our swimsuits on and beer in hand.  We all lay down on our chaise lounges to collect as much sun and fun as we can.  Jada wanted to gather more than that.  She wanted men.  She also wanted to introduce me to one – trying to help me forget about Hose Head. 

Jada was always a good time.  She’s tall, brunette and extremely beautiful; both inside and out.  But it was the “out” that the guys were more interested in. 

We sat enjoying ourselves for a while when Jada decided she was bored.  No men.  She got up and said “We need men here, let me gather some.”  It was almost like a caveman saying I will have fire!  We laughed and knew that she could gather.  She walked slowly to the end of the dock in her barely there red bikini.  She looked amazing.  All she had to do was put up her hands and say “boys!”

I watched her in amazement.  She was so confident, so accustomed to men coming when she called.  We sat there, stared and laughed.  But laughed even more when a boat actually showed up with young men; two young men.  

The one driving the boat was a good looking man.  And the other was just as handsome but maybe a bit more disheveled.  I think he was more cute than handsome.  O.K., very cute - but oh so young.  He was wearing shorts, shin-high socks and tennis shoes.  Yes, socks.  I laughed.  Who wears no shirt and socks – but a young man that just doesn’t care. 

I walk to the end of the dock to see what she’s up to.  The boy that was driving the boat said “Jump in, let’s go for a ride!” 

“Come on, Cheetahtort – let’s go have some fun!” Jada said to me. 

I looked at her like she was crazy!  I wasn’t going to get on this small boat with men (boys) that were so young that I wasn’t sure if they were legal. 

“Cheetahtort, come on - I want to go and I don’t feel comfortable enough to go alone - please come with me!”  She whispered so they wouldn’t hear. 

I looked at her pleading eyes then over to the young men with their devilish smiles.  I thought, what can these little boys do to us?  This could be fun.  I got on the boat knowing full well that I was the adult/ responsible chaperone.   

They introduced themselves to us.  The one driving the boat and the one that Jada had her eye on was named Alex.  The one with the socks introduced himself as Jack Thomas (AKA Tiger).  They offered us a couple beers and we were on our way looking back at our friends on the shore laughing.  I think they were laughing at me being in a boat with men (boys) that were half my age and Jada because that girl can get anything she wants.

The weather was absolutely beautiful – it was so perfect it’s the reason why we all endure the winters here in the upper Midwest.  But I was sticking out like a sore thumb on this boat - three beautiful people and their mother. 

The beers were starting to give me the liquid courage that I needed to talk to strangers when I’m feeling uncomfortable.  Jada was in the back talking to Tiger and I was up front talking to Alex.  I think the only reason was because Jada has the same insecurities many women do and was afraid to actually talk to the one she wanted to talk to.  She kept eyeing the two of us and I knew darn well that she wished she were talking to Alex instead.   This surprised me; I thought Jada wasn’t afraid of anything.   I saw her with Tiger trying to be nice but paying attention to what we were saying more. 

“So where are you lovely ladies from?” Alex asks me but I know he really wants to be asking Jada as I see him eyeing her as well. 

“Up north, we are just visiting a friend at her cabin.  How about you Alex?”  I say trying my best to talk to someone that obviously wishes he was talking to someone else. 

“I live down here – so hey – does she have a boyfriend?”  He says not wanting to do this stupid let’s pretend I want to get to know you conversation. 

Ahhh finally – a conversation I can have with this young boy – no messing around.  He knows I’m not interested in him and I know that he’s interested in Jada.

“No – she doesn’t and I can tell that she would rather be talking to you right now.  How would you like for me to go about this?”  I ask wanting to help out my friend and this love-struck young man.

“I’m not sure – she’s so beautiful, I’m nervous!”

“There’s no reason to be nervous around Jada– she’s such a fun-loving girl and so much fun to talk to.  Let me get her up here.”

“Jada!” I say smiling back at her!  “Get your ass up here!”

She does, cutting Tiger off in mid-sentence.  I felt for the poor guy.  He was obviously interested in her.  Who wouldn’t be?

I move in Tiger’s direction to give room for Jada to sit next to Alex.  Both of them had huge smiles on their faces.  The smiles that say I want to get in your pants.

I take a long look at Tiger and can’t help but smile.  Tiger is about 5’4, blonde hair with brown colored puppy dog eyes.  Eyes that I know can get him out of so much trouble when he uses them and I can tell he’s used this tactic many, many times.  Even though he’s short, he’s got an extremely beautiful body.  I find out that he is in construction so that explains his bronzed sculpted back and beautiful biceps.  I don’t realize what a tight ass he has until he stands up to ask Alex to stop the boat because he needs to urinate.  I shake myself – am I really thinking about this young man and wanting to see him naked? 

I just have to ask.  “Tiger, how old are you?” 

“22, why – how old are you?” 

“I’m old enough to be your mother.”

“Quit it – you are not.”  He says with a crooked grin.  “I’m guessing 27, 29?” 

I can’t control my laughter – knowing he’s just using his young naive charm on me. 

“35 – turning 36 in a couple days.” 

He looks at me like he’s judging a beauty contest.  Looking up and down my body then smiling.  “Well, if that’s true – you look good.  You are a very beautiful woman.” 

Why does this make me feel good?  Why do little words like that, when I know men have used them so many times, work?  Am I really that stupid to believe what a guy says when he thinks he’s going to get lucky?  But then I’m brought back into reality.

“Dude! “ Tiger says because that is what young boys call their buddies.  “Stop the boat – I need to take a leak.”

Out in the middle of the lake, Alex stops the boat and says “Alright buddy – go relieve yourself.”  We laugh because we are watching him walk to the end of the boat and trying to do a rooster tail off the back end.  When I say try – I mean try, because he gets stage fright and can’t.

“It’s alright Tiger – we’re not looking.”  I say trying to encourage him so we can get moving once again.  We really should be getting back to our friends.

But, the poor guy just can’t go.  We are still laughing at him and yelling at him to hurry up. 

Now, I need to go myself and there is no way in hell that I’m going to jump in with these young boys to pee. 

Literally 15 minutes later Tiger is finally successful.  We welcome him back and Alex says “Finally, let’s get going.” 

Alex tries to start the boat to bring us back home.

“Click, . . . . Click . . . “  The boat doesn’t want to start.

I put my hands through my hair and am thinking are you kidding me???  This can’t be happening!  We are stuck in the middle of the lake with a motor that won’t start.  Now Jada and I both need to pee.  Alex is so embarrassed that his boat won’t start in front of Jada, the most beautiful woman that he actually might have a chance with. 

The two boys frantically start working on whatever they are working on to try to get that boat started, while Jada and I are hysterical with laughter, which by the way, is not helping our needing to pee situation. 

I look up at the two boys and they are sweating profusely hating their boat at the moment.  I’m pretty sure I hear Alex say to Tiger “Shit, is this really happening to us?  They are going to hate us for this!”  Tiger is a little calmer.  I don’t think too many things can bother this laid back boy. 

“Seriously, dude – relax – we’re fine – we’ll get this started.  Don’t worry – the girls are just fine – look at them – they are having fun – with us!”

“Whatever dude – they want off this boat so fast – they will never want to see us again.”

While the two of them are frantically trying to fix the boat – Jada and I are thinking –what are we doing with these young boys?   They better fix this boat fast because we need to pee!

The engine starts to roar and we take a collective sigh.  My sigh is that I finally get to go back to the cabin and pee.  Alex’s sigh is thank God!   I didn’t want to look like a fool in front of this cool girl with an old boat.  Tiger’s sigh is – I knew I could show my friend up and fix this problem – I knew I was smarter than him. And Jada’s sigh was – we are out of beer and we need to get back because I’m thirsty and also need to pee!

We get back to the dock and our friends meet us with concerned faces. 

“Where the hell did you go?” Carly yells from the beach walking to the dock.  I think more concerned than she wants to give off.

“We are so sorry for keeping your girls for so long.” Tiger says feeling stupid not wanting to tell them the truth as to why it took us so long to get back to shore.

“Well, we have dinner on.  You boys joining us for dinner?” Carly yells.

I look at her stunned.  What on earth is she thinking inviting these young boys to eat with us?  But I turn to Tiger and the look on his face tells me he doesn’t want this afternoon to end and BBQ?  I’m all over that!

“Oh, come on, let’s go eat.” I say and the boys are more than agreeable.

We gather the hamburgers, potatoes, chips and corn on the cob onto our plates. Nothing is being said during the time we are feeding.  If you look around the room you would think these people haven’t been fed for at least two weeks.

I see Maddie and she has an expression that I’m not 100% understanding.  It looks like what the hell? But it also looks like really, have some fun girl!  I went with that expression.

While the room is quiet except the sound of our chomping on great BBQ, Alex asks if we are going into town tonight; hoping he can spend more time with Jada.

“Hell yes!  We’re going to the Thirsty Beaver!  Are you going to be there?” Jada answered.

“Yeah, I think we might be heading there tonight.” Alex says, doing his best to sound cool and holding back his excitement.

Tiger is sitting next to me and says in a low voice. “I hope I see you there tonight.  Look for me.  I’ll be wearing my cowboy hat.”

I smile at him.  Did he really say in his low sexy voice that I should look for a 5’4” young man wearing a cowboy hat? 

I nod my head trying not to laugh and say “I’m sure I won’t miss you.”

Can this boy be any cuter and sweeter?  I’m imagining him in his future.  There’s a young, cute blonde girl, about his height with a summer dress on, no shoes and a kid on her hip.  I see Tiger with his arm around her with his cowboy hat on, big belt buckle and a proud smile across his face.    

“Cowboy hat?”  I say not being able to hide my smile.

“You bet – I love my cowboy hat – women love it too.” 

I can imagine him with his cowboy hat on trying and succeeding at picking up women.  He may be short in stature, but not in sexiness or brawn.

The boys leave after dinner with the promise that we will see them at the Thirsty Beaver. 

Once we are all cleaned up and ready, we head out, looking forward to what the Thirsty Beaver has in store for us. 

I had no idea what was in store.

The bar is crowded with young party goers that have only two things on their minds.  Partying and getting laid. 

That’s when I see Jada with a big smile on her face.  She’s seen Alex.  She turns to me and says “Alex is here!” and at that exact moment, a hand brushes against her waist.  She turns and puts her arms around him because her inhibitions have been chased away with the beer chasers she’s done throughout the evening.  I back away, wanting to give them their moment but Alex reaches out to me, grabs my arm and says “Tiger is here and he’s looking for you.”

Just at that moment – I see a cowboy hat across the bar.  I shake my head, smiling.  Of course he looks hot with that cowboy hat.  I take a closer look.  He had on tight jeans with a huge belt buckle, a shirt with no sleeves and cowboy boots.  Somehow he can make this look HOT.  I can’t take my eyes off him.

He walks confidently across the dance floor to me.  He grabs my hand.  “Dance with me.” 

Wow.

For a moment, I forget that he’s only 5’4”. 

He doesn’t see the height difference.  To him, it just doesn’t matter. 

It matters to me or at least I thought so. 

We walk onto the dance floor and I peak over my shoulder wondering who is going to make fun of this picture.  I don’t have to wonder for long as I see my friend Bethany with her camera pointed right at the two of us, laughing and the rest of them making sure Bethany doesn’t miss a great photo opportunity.

Tiger spins me around and we dance.  He’s a good dancer.  He takes the lead and I follow.  I soon don’t care about height difference and notice nobody really cares either.    

“Would you like to go outside with me for a cigarette?”  Tiger whispers in my ear and takes my hand and leads me outside. 

We find Carly outside and she smiles at the two of us.  We talk and laugh at how Tiger is holding my hand and not letting go. 

“I don’t have to let go, do I?”  He says to the two of us. 

“He’s so cute Cheetahtort!  Have fun!”  Carly says as she heads back into the bar.

“I know but this is so silly!  He’s just a young man that thinks he’s going to get lucky!”

“Look at him!” Carly says.  “He’s so enamored by you!” 

I realize we are talking about him like he’s not there.  He doesn’t care.  He’s just standing there smoking his smoke, holding my hand and looking up at me (yes looking up to me).  He has such a sweet smile that says I just want to be with you.  What’s wrong with that?

We finish our cigarettes and go back in.  He still has my hand and won’t let go.    

We dance again and again.  I’m having the best time with this guy.  I can just imagine the size of my own smile.

Once the song ended, we grab another beer and walk into a secluded section of the bar filled with picnic tables.  We sit and talk. 

“I’m a lucky man.” says Tiger. 

He comes in for a kiss.  Yeah, I think I’m going to let this young man kiss me.  Why not?  This weekend is all about having a good time!  Who cares that he’s young and only 5’4. 

He kisses me and I’m glad I’m sitting because my knees start to shake.  Wow, for a young little guy he sure knows how to kiss!

He scoots up closer to me, takes my legs, pulls me closer and moves them above his legs so I’m almost sitting in his lap.  I love it when a man knows how he wants things.  He puts his right hand at the small of my back and the other hand behind my head and kisses me deeply.  This kid really knows what he’s doing!  I’m loving this and don’t want it to stop!

But . . . the lead singer of the band that’s playing in the bar walks into the room. 

“Tiger!  Is that you?” 

He breaks away from my kiss and glances over my shoulder to her. 

“Yep.” 

Then returns to me for another deep kiss, not caring who was talking to him.  I welcome it because I don’t care who this girl is and because he’s such a good kisser.

“Honey, be careful with Tiger!  He’s notorious for his kissing.” The lead singer said and laughed. 

I pull back from Tiger’s lips and look at her with a smile and say “I can see and feel why!”

He chuckles and returns for more, ignoring the interruption.  I accept happily.

I start to feel light headed.  His kisses are so soft at times and hard and passionate at others.  I could do this all night long. 

Buzzkill!  My friends walk into the room.

“There you are you little slut!” my friends yell at me while laughing.

I break away from his kiss to see my friends.  I blush.  I was busted kissing the hot, short, young, sexy cowboy.    

“We’ve got to go Chetahtort! You with us?”  One of my friends says.  I’m not sure who because I was feeling all tingly inside and was focusing on that feeling.

I go in for another tingly kiss. 

“Cheetahtort!!!  Come on!  We’ve got to go!  Tiger, let her lips go.  She’s coming with us!” says one of them.  Again, I was confused on whom.

“Tiger – you want to come back with us?” Jada says while holding Alex’s hand.

I look at her in shock!  No!  He can’t come home with us!  YES!  I want more of these kisses!  No, if he comes back with us, he’s going to think more will happen.  Yes – I can do more!  No!  You don’t even know him!  Kissing and only kissing.  No he can’t come over!

Tiger looks at me, smiles his crooked grin and yells back “You bet!” 

I turn to him not knowing how to say this . . .

“Umm Tiger – No, I don’t think that’s a good idea.  Nothing is going to happen.”

“That’s fine with me, I just want to spend more time with you.” He says looking at me with his puppy-dog eyes.

But I know that with those eyes, and those lips, he could have me saying “YES” later with my legs in the air if I let him come back with us.  I can’t have that.

“No, I’m so sorry Tiger – I have to go home alone.”

We start to walk back to the cars.  I say goodnight to Tiger.  He doesn’t say anything in return.  Just stares at me.    

“I can’t believe you are leaving me.  You get me all excited then leave?”

“Don’t, we had a good time tonight.  Don’t make me regret having fun with you.” I plead with him.  I was hating myself and wishing I were more adventurous but know it’s better if I say goodbye.

My friends and I get in the car.  I notice that Alex is with us as well. 

Tiger sees this too and gets really upset. 

“I’m sorry – I just can’t!” 

“Whatever Cheetahtort!  I can’t believe you’re leaving me!”  He yells as we pull away.

That’s not the last time I see Tiger.  He becomes a recurring character, giving me nothing but recurring feelings.  You’ll see.

Meet Your New Mommy!

O.K., so I work a part-time job at a local liquor/wine shop.   This job helps me pay for these lousy dates when I have to.  I would never expect the date buy my drinks or dinner when I know I will never see them again.  That is not what some of my friends think.  They think the man should always buy.  What do you think?

If there are men out there going on as many bad dates as I am plus paying for the dates 100% of the time, I would think they would go broke.  Broke for nothing!  Not even a kiss in return.     

Well, anyway – back to my part-time job . . . 

The bonus of this part-time job is the opportunity to meet a lot of interesting people and I have a lot of “regulars” that come in to visit.  I’m pretty much stuck behind that counter and many times people just want to chat.  I’m their bartender “Issac from The Love Boat, or Sam from Cheers” and they all just want/need someone to talk to.  I’m more than willing to oblige as it helps make the time move along faster.

Today’s story will be about one “regular” in particular that came in all the time.  He would buy a case of beer at least three times a week!  Seriously, three times a week!   It could have been more, but that’s the amount of times I work a week and he was in every night I worked.  Who can drink that much?  What does his liver look like? 

He was a nice enough guy, very long dirty blonde hair.  He seemed shy as he didn’t say much.  He would just walk in, smile at me, get his case of beer, smile some more, say just a few words, blush, pay for his beer and tell me to have a nice day and leave.  I really didn’t think too much about him. He was just my shy, case of beer a day, regular.  Until one day he came in with very short hair!  I did a double take.    

“Wow! – you cut your hair!  Why?”  I said when I finally realized who he was.

 He told me he had a very close friend that had brain cancer.  He purposely grew out his hair to donate it one day to Locks of Love.  Well, being the softy that I am, I was caught up with his story and had to ask him a million questions.  A small friendship started.  We would have a little more small talk each time he came in.  I found out he lives near my friend Maddie out in Autumn Park.  I told him I go out that way all the time, especially during the summer.  “Actually I might be going out there this weekend to go to Lake Side Bar.” 

“Really, well, maybe I’ll see you!” He said excitedly.

He came in the store the following Monday to get his case of beer.  “I looked for you at Lake Side.  Did you go?  I didn’t see you.”

“No, a couple things came up and we were unable to get there.  Did you have a good time?”

“Sure, but I WENT to see you.  I was a little disappointed I didn’t.”  He said with a hint of resentment in his voice.  Maybe I was imagining it – was he mad?  We didn’t make a date.  I was just informing a friend/acquaintance that I might go to a bar in his neighborhood.  (This was my first pink flag.)

“I’m sorry – we just had a change of plans.” I said dismissing it.

During the following weeks, we’d have our small talks and he would continually ask when I was coming out to his neck of the woods again.  “Are you ever coming out to Lake Side again?”  He said in front of a couple co-workers of mine.  They gave me a look that screamed – is this guy asking you out???

“Ha!  Yes, actually –I’m going to be out there this Friday celebrating a girlfriend’s birthday.”

He gives me a huge smile and says “Well, I hope I get to see you!”

I get out of work early on that Friday.  My friends and I head out to Big Lake to go boating.  It’s a bunch of us, about four boats total.  We tie the boats together and have a middle-of-the-lake party.  We have a number of cocktails, play water sports, listen to good music, ski, tube and lay in the sun.  We had a great time. 

We are out in the sun for a good 5 or 6 hours.  We decide to go home, eat and maybe take a nap before we go out for the evening festivities at Lake Side.

Once home, we eat and lay down for a nap.  I don’t like to nap.  When I nap I get more tired so this is never a good idea in my book.  This is exactly what happens.  Maddie and I are sawing logs and it takes a lot of effort from the birthday girl to get us up and out.   We are so tired and really don’t want to go.  All we want to do is relax and enjoy a night in.  But Birthday Girl won’t have it.  So we get ready and go. 

Lake Side Bar is packed!  Packed with young beautiful people!  I look at Maddie and say “I need a cocktail!”  As I say this – I see “once long hair/now short hair guy” (OLHNSH) walking my way with a big smile on his face.

 “You made it!  I didn’t think you were going to come again! When I didn’t see you here I walked over to Rascal’s to see if you decided to go there instead.  When I didn’t see you there I came back here.  I’ve been waiting for two hours and you are now finally here!  I thought you might stand me up again!”  He says so fast it was hard to keep up with him.  I felt like he was really upset at first then truly relieved that I finally showed up.

Why on earth would he walk to the two bars looking for me?  Why would he wait for me for two hours?  THIS ISN’T A DATE! (2^nd pink flag)

“I’m sorry – we took a nap and it took a lot of coaxing to get us going” I say nervously and smile at him.  I’m not sure I’m keen on someone I don’t know and haven’t made plans with getting upset with me that I wasn’t  there on time.  There wasn’t a date and time set up!  I even forgot I told him I’d be there. 

“I’m getting a drink – you want one?”  I look over to Maddie and she looks at me with a furrowed brow. 

“Who the hell is this guy?”  she says quietly so only I can hear. 

As we are getting our drinks – I whisper in her ear “This is the ‘regular’ I was telling you about.” 

I introduce the two of them.  I tell Maddie that OLHNSH comes in the liquor store every night to buy a case of beer.  She looks at me with wide eyes and I know what she’s thinking because I’m thinking the same thing!  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  WHO DRINKS THAT MUCH? 

He laughs and says – “Cheetahtort – I don’t actually drink all those cases!  I only come in the store to see you and feel like I need to buy something!”

I smile at him but I know that’s not 100% true.  He could buy a six pack or a single can of beer – but a whole case?   

With drinks in hand, we actually find a place to sit, which was a miracle as the place was so crowded.  I was drinking an Electric Lemonade.  They are so delicious and I needed the extra push to liven up.  Maddie wasn’t as aggressive as I was and had a beer.  I’m not sure what OLHNSH was drinking. 

I was explaining to Maddie how I know OLHNSH.  We had a nice time talking about the liquor store and how you can meet a lot of interesting people.  I could tell Maddie wasn’t going to make it much longer.  She was so tired.  I was too but I felt like I had to entertain him.  We all look over to the Birthday Girl and she’s at a total different level than us!  She has about 6 different good looking men surrounding her, she’s laughing and whipping her hair around.  She’s a sight.

The three of us laugh and I say “She’s young.”   I wish I were that young again. 

 “Cheetahtort – I’m sorry, I really need to go home.  I’m so tired I think I might fall into the lake and drown.” said Maddie.

I don’t blame her and really want to go as well.  Drinking in the sun all day really drains a body. 

“If you want to go home Maddie, I can walk Cheetahtort home.”  OLHNSH says thinking this might work out well for him.  “I’d be happy to!”  He adds and then tries to hold my hand and I move it out of the way awkwardly. 

Do I want to stay here with him?  I don’t even know him.  I’m not sure I even like him.  He’s not even cute – maybe even on the creepy side.  Why not, he’s a nice guy.  Let’s see what happens.  Maybe I’ll have a story to tell.

So I stay trying to be optimistic.  Maddie looks over at OLHNSH and says – “straight home – no funny business.  I know what you look like and I know where you live!”

He laughs and says “She’s in good hands.”

“Give me a call if you need me!” she says while giving me a big hug. 

“Oh, he’s harmless, what can he do?” I say back. 

What am I doing?  Is he harmless?  I’m not even sure he’s normal – he does drink a lot.  And he seems soooo eager!

“I’ve wanted to go out with you for a long time now, Cheetahtort.”  He says once Maddie is out of ear shot.  “I would love it if you were my girlfriend!  I would think I’ve made it if I had a girl like you as my girlfriend!” 

Wow!  Forward!  Uncomfortable!  Where did the shy guy from the liquor store go? 

He sees that I have an empty glass in front of me and instantly jumps up to get me a new drink.  While he’s away, Birthday Girl runs up to me and says “Cheetahtort – you crazy girl!  Who’s this guy?” 

“Oh he’s just one of my liquor store regulars.”  I say not really wanting to get into everything with her.  Especially because she won’t remember this conversation in the state she’s in. 

“He’s cute – good for you!  Have fun, lady!”

Cute?  I don’t believe I would describe him as cute.

He comes back with our drinks; I look at the drink he’s offering me trying to judge how long it will take for me to consume it, so I can go home.  At this point – the guy really hasn’t done anything wrong for me to feel this way – but I still get a creepy vibe from him.

I get half way through my drink and say – “I’m sorry OLHNSH I’m just so tired – I really need to be getting home.”

He looks sooo disappointed.  I don’t care – I just want to get home.

He takes my hand and says “OK – let’s get going.”

We walk down the street and across the bridge.  Once we get to the middle of the bridge – he grabs me and pushes me to the wall and kisses me.  He says “I’ve always wanted to do that to someone I love!”

“Oh my God – what are you doing?” I yell.

“Didn’t you think that was romantic?  I thought all girls liked that kind of stuff.” 

Yes, we do – but with men we actually know and at least like!

“But, I don’t know you!  Please don’t do that again!” 

We walk by his apartment on our way to Maddie’s apartment.  He says “I have to stop here to use the restroom.  Do you want to come up with me or do you want to wait out here?”

I ponder this question . . . Do I want to go up to this man’s apartment that I don’t know or do I want to stand here in the dark all by myself?  Which is the better option?

 I find out soon what the better option would have been.

I look around and say “Maybe I should go up with you.” 

He looks pleased and takes my hand. 

We go up to his apartment.  I’m expecting to see photos of me plastered all over his walls with little quote clouds saying how much we love each other.  Luckily I don’t.

When we get into his living room his cat rubs up against my leg.  “Meet your new Mommy!” he says bending over to pet his cat.  (RED FLAG!!!  RED FLAG!!!)

WHAT!!!!????????  I’m screaming in my head!!!  – where’s the door – I need to get out!!!  He just introduced me to his cat as its new Mommy! 

He stands up and starts to show me pictures of his family.  “They are going to love you – just as much as I love you.”     (RED RED FLAG!)

This has got to be a joke!  Am I on MTV’s Punked?  Seriously, this cannot be happening.  He’s really scaring me!  I really want out!

I smile at him – like anyone would looking at a crazy person trying not to spook them; trying to placate them until you can run.  And run like hell! 

But I don’t really know where I am.  I don’t know where Maddie’s apartment is from here.  This is where I really should be a strong woman and take care of myself and venture out into the darkness and find my own way home.  I truly believe this is the safest route for me to take.

“I really should be getting home.  I’ll let myself out.”

“Don’t be silly, I said I would walk you home and that’s exactly what I’m going to do.”

On our way out I look in his kitchen and see all the EMPTY cases of beer.   Really?  (“Cheetahtort – I don’t actually drink all those cases!  I only come in the store to see you and feel like I need to buy something!”)

Finally we are outside.  Oh thank goodness, we are on our way home.

Nope.

“Cheetahtort – I need to show you where you will park when you come to see me.  You’ll just come up this driveway and this is my garage.  Sweetie, you can park here.” he said, point to it.

Why does he think we are now a couple?  Why does he not see that I’m not happy and I’m now begging to go home?  Is he really this clueless that all I keep saying is that I really need to be getting home?

“Thank you OLHNSH but I really need to get going – Maddie is probably wondering where I am.  Remember she threatened you!”  I say trying to make light of this absolutely horrible situation I put myself into.

He comes up to me and gives me a kiss.  I turn my face. 

“Why did you turn your face?  I’m just trying to show you some loving.”

“Thank you – but I’m just so tired.  I need to get home.” 

“O.K. lets get this sleepy girl home.”  He takes my hand and we walk by his pool.  “This is where you’ll wear your cute bikini when we lay out by the pool together.”

“Um mmm . . . ”  I say not wanting to say another word to prolong this situation.

I finally recognize the area.  I know where I am. The relief washes over me.  I’m almost in my safe zone and away from this guy. 

Then I realize – I don’t have her key to get in the door!  I panic!  I didn’t bring a key!  Now what am I going to do? 

“I don’t have a key to her apartment!”  I hear myself scream. 

He smiles at me – takes my hand and squeezes it.  “Honey, you can stay with me.”

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!  There is no way in hell that’s going to happen! 

I realize I don’t even have my phone with me!  I thought maybe I could call Maddie to wake her up to open the door. 

“I don’t even have my phone!” I scream again and my hands rush to my face.  I feel faint.

“I have my phone.” He says.  “What’s her number?”

“I don’t know – who knows what other people’s phone numbers are these days!  It’s programmed into my phone!”

I yell up to her window “MADDIE!!!!!!  WAKE UP!!!!!  I’M DOWN HERE – OPEN THE DOOR!!!!!”

No answer.  I’m praying and realize it’s out loud.  “Please Lord, Please have her wake up!  Please, I promise to be good if you have her wake up and answer the door!”

I notice he’s staring at me and looks upset that I want her to open the door so badly.

I yell again – semi afraid that I will wake all the neighbors and they will call the police.  But on second thought that would be safer!

“MADDIE!!!!!!!!!  IT’S CHEETAHTORT!!!!!  OPEN THE DOOR!!!!!!”

Nothing.

The only thing I can think is – I know my own number and my phone is by her bed.  If she hears that ringing – maybe she’ll check it and answer it.  But this means giving this crazy man my number! 

I stand there weighing my options.  Do I spend the night out here with this crazy man?   NO, NO, NO!!  Or do I give him my number to call my phone and wake Maddie up!  If I give him my number – he HAS my number!  He’ll start to call me!  I don’t want that!

But, I know I really have no choice.

“Honey – it’s OK – you can spend the night with me!”  He says once again. 

I hang my head defeated.  “Can you try to call my phone number?  Maybe she’ll hear that?” I said just giving up.

“You bet!  What’s your number?”

I give it to him.  He calls. 

Maddie comes up to the window with my phone in her hand and yells from the window.  “What are you doing?!  I put the carpet in the door!  You can get in!”   The look on her face says I just woke her from the wonderful splendor of sleep and she was PISSED!

I run to the door!  The carpet is in the door!  Why oh why didn’t I check first!!!!

I turn and thank him for the walk home.  He says “Honey, let me walk you to the door.  I want to make sure you get in alright.”

“Oh, you’ve done enough tonight!  I’m done!  Goodnight!”

I pull the carpet lose and close the door.  I run to her apartment.  Never looking back. 

She’s standing there with the door open, tapping her foot, scowling at me.  “You woke me up – this better be good.”

I didn’t disappoint.

We laid in bed laughing about the whole scary situation and how I get myself into these predicaments!

Once she fell asleep again – I sat up and thought about how stupid I was to go with him alone.  Not a smart move on my part.

OSHNLH called me about a dozen times.  He still came into the store three times a week to buy his case of beer.  I never talked to him.  I would talk to the other customers around him– but NEVER to him. 

He continued to come in for another year.  But finally one day he stopped.  I thought I was free and clear of Mr. Scary.    

But . . . about two months after he stopped coming into the store he found me on a dating site and left me a message.  He said “See, even this site thinks we are a good match!”

Ugg.