I hate it when I get in my own way.

I hate it when I get in my own way.

I get home from celebrating my girlfriend’s birthday.  We had a great time seeing a band and having a few cocktails.   All her friends and I spent the night in a hotel room so we don’t drink and drive.

I drive home the next morning.  I get home and quickly change my clothes and barely look in the mirror  to run to Cub Foods  to get the fixings for Easter dinner the next day.  I feel alright but I don’t think I’m looking the best.  But I still go.   The store is packed with last-minute shoppers like myself.  I’m in the cheese section – the BEST section at the store!  I’m trying to decide if I want gouda or brie.   As I’m deciding – I look up to see a good looking man walking by checking me out.  I smile and look away remembering what I look like.  Then of course – glance again to find him still looking at me.  We both look away quickly.  It was like we both got caught checking each other out.  I think I even blushed being caught.  I smile and then start thinking – Was he looking at me?  Why would he be looking at me?  I look tired, not showered.  Maybe that’s what he’s thinking – “She should really look in a mirror before she goes out into public!”

He continues to leave the area and I continue with my shopping.  Now I’m on the mission to pick out the ham.  I’ve never had to buy a ham before and not sure what to buy.  That occupies my brain once again and the good looking man is now out of my thoughts.   I approach a couple “mom” looking women rifling though the hams and decide they know what they want.  Maybe they can help me?  I ask their advice and they tell me I want the butt section of the ham instead of the shank.  It has more meat.  They were very helpful.  I hope they are right.  I want this dinner to be really nice for my sister, her husband and my awesome nieces.  I wish them a Happy Easter and walk away with my butt section appreciating their help.

I go to dairy section for my half and half when I see the gentleman again.  He looks my way once again and smiles.  I return the smile.  This continues throughout the store!  The chips section (the second best part of the store), the candy section (hey not for me – my nieces need a cute chocolate bunny!) the frozen food section, the condiment section (I’m thinking – am I following him or is he following me?) and finally the check out area.

As I’m leaving, walking through the parking lot I see him again but I don’t think he sees me.  He’s walking to the far side of where my car is parked.  Then I see him coming up behind me as I get my keys out to open my car.  I think – no way, his truck is not right next to mine.  Yep it is – oh goodness here we go.

As I’m putting my groceries into my car – he says from behind his car “Do you think we’ll ever get a spring?”

I get all flustered.  He’s now talking to me!  Say something!  He’s asked you a normal human question!  You should be able to talk back!  You’re an intelligent woman!

“I don’t think so – I think spring forgot all about us.”

Awkward silence.

What can I say to him to keep this conversation going?  Don’t be a shy silly girl!

“I think we really deserve a nice summer with that horrible winter we just went through.”  I say – kicking myself that I didn’t ask him a question in return!

I now have to walk by him to put my cart in the cart corral.  He says something to me.  Honestly I don’t remember what he said – I’m not sure I really heard what he said because my inner dialog was screaming at me inside my head!  But I remember smiling back at him while my not washed hair is blowing in my face.    I put the cart in its place while yelling at myself for not looking better and why oh why did I wear these shoes!  They are my ugly black flats – not my usual cute high heeled shoes that always make me feel more confident!

I walk back to my car and start to get inside when he says “Well, I hope you enjoy the summer if it ever gets here!”  I smile at him and really get a good look at him.  He’s about 37 years old, maybe 40? He has dark hair and a really nice smile and eyes.

“Thank you!  I hope you do as well.” I say with a big smile while trying to get away and wishing I had the courage to say more.

I get in my car.  Breathe Cheetahtort!  Wait – don’t start your car yet.  Wait – don’t leave.  See if he does anything more!

I pull out my phone just trying to prolong my stay.  I stare at it because nobody has called and think this is silly.  Nothing happens. 

So I put my phone away, start my car and look for my seatbelt.  As I turn I look over at him.  He’s sitting in his truck smiling at me and actually gives me a wink.  I smile back, hesitate a second longer then begrudgingly drive away. 

I hate it when I get in my own way.