Did You Have Sex With Tiger? What?

Here's my first example:

I'm sitting at my desk at work (avoiding it and playing on Facebook) when I get a friend request from someone I don't know.  It says you are mutual friends with my friend Bethany. I work with Bethany so I run over to her cube and ask her "Who is Dillon ____?"  She says "I went to high school with him, why?”

"Well he asked me to be a friend on Facebook.  He looks kind of cute - is he a nice guy? and why would he be trying to befriend me?”

"Well, I'm sure it's because he thought you were good looking" Bethany said. 

"Should I befriend him?”  I said and she instantly said ”Oh you bet, he's a super nice guy.  I haven't talked to him in a long time - but if I remember correctly, he's a gentleman.”

So I befriend him and we talk through Facebook for the day, back and forth, really having a nice time getting to know each other.  Then he asks me for my phone number.  This is where I get a little nervous - but how else are you going to get to know someone - so I give him my number.

He calls me later that evening.  I'm having a glass of wine and talking to him, seriously having fun.  More fun than I've had in a long time.  So we decide to go out on a date.  We decide on my usual first date activity - the happy hour.  It’s only drinks so if you are uncomfortable - you can make a quick getaway. 

Sometimes I like to schedule a happy hour date right after work – so I have an excuse to wear my work clothes.  I feel a little more dressed up – wearing a cute skirt and top – and making it look like I got dressed up for work and not him.  I don’t want him to think I’m trying too hard.

As I’m driving to the dreaded first date – I get a bit nervous.  I think – what if?  What if this is my last first date?  What if I really like him and he doesn’t like me.  What if he’s another weirdo?  And of course I have to call my good friend, Maddie, to give me a pep talk.  Poor Maddie.  She gets all these calls.  She’s just waiting by her phone just expecting my call and instantly goes into her spiel.  “Don’t be nervous.  Remember he’s nervous too.  You’ll have a great time!  Take a deep breath.  You’ll do fine.  If he’s not the one – at least you’ll get a free glass of wine.  You are a beautiful woman.  Have Fun.  I’ll be waiting by the phone to hear all about it.” 

She’s the best and because of the amount I times I make this call; she should have her speech recorded.  I’m so nervous – I don’t think I’d notice. 

So I take my deep breath, check myself in the mirror once more and head in.

He’s actually waiting for me at the bar.  Most of my dates are late.  He gets a point!  I take a long look at him.  Hmmmmm - not exactly what I was hoping for - but still nice looking all the same.  Wow – he was as nervous as I was.  Maybe more so.  I think I even saw his hand shaking when he reached out to shake mine.  I thought it was endearing.  Could he possibly be a gentleman?

We sit and have a cocktail together.  We talk about things we discussed on the phone and bring up new conversations.  He asks me about past loves.  I tell him a very short abbreviated version of my life.  I don't want to get into that type of talk with a new friend. 

Now, if you remember, I've already accepted him as a friend on my Facebook page.  So he's been perusing me and my Facebook activity.  I have a lot on there about my friends.  While we are sitting at the bar – he asks me about my good friend Tiger.  I tell him he's my friend. 

We continue with small talk - when he goes back to Tiger and asks - "Did you have sex with Tiger?" 

What did he just ask me?  My jaw drops and I look at him with questioning eyes.  "What?  Why are you asking that?  I really don't think that is any of your business!"

"I’m just curious.  Did you?"  He says to me with a look like we've been together for so long and I've cheated on him. 

I sit in my seat thinking, I'm thinking too much.  He just wants to know.  Maybe it's not that big of a deal.  I smile to him and say "again, it's none of your business, let's play some darts."

He backs up and says "alright - let's play some darts, but I still want to know.”

We begin to play and I soon find out that he's very competitive.  So am I.  :)  I like to win.  And I do!  It’s very funny - funnier when he gets upset.  I think he's kidding, but I find out – he’s truly upset that he just got beat by a girl.  Well, I don't just find out that he's a sore loser, but a pervert . . .

While we are playing darts, he wants another beer.  He calls a waitress over by curling his index finger in a “come here” gesture.  Then he starts laughing out loud.  I stare at him wondering what the joke is.  He says – “look I just made her come with one finger!”

I couldn’t believe it!  I was shocked!  Did he really say that to a girl on a first date?  Is this his way of wooing me?  This is his mating call?  He told me on the phone earlier that he’s a nice respectable guy.  This is nice and respectable? 

Wait – there’s more J

I'm standing there, waiting for him to make his throw.  He slides up next to me and "accidentally" drops his darts.  He bends down to pick them up, get on his knees and starts to look up my skirt.  Yep - That's what I wrote!  He's literally down on the ground trying to sneak a peak at what he will never see in his life. 

This is where I say - "You know what?  I think this date is done."  I walk over to pick up my coat and say "goodnight".  He gets upset but can't really say anything but "I'm sorry - I was just kidding!"

I go home and instantly de-friend him on Facebook.

Later that evening - I get text messages saying "I can't believe you defriended me on Facebook!  It's not that big of a deal!  What's your problem?!" 

I ignore his texts.

A week later, I'm looking through my friend Tiger's Facebook page.  It says he's befriended Dillon.  I instantly call up Tiger and tell him he's befriended someone that just wants to see what I'm up to and stalk me through his Facebook.  I ask him to please de-friend him.  He does right away.  But, yep – there’s more!

A week later my friend Tiger calls me and tells me that Dillon called him to tell him what a stuck up person I am.  (Tiger has his phone number on his Facebook page and since has taken it off).  Tiger proceeds to say - "Don't ever call me again and if I hear you are bothering Cheetahtort - I will find you." 

So . . . . What do you think of my first example?  What are your thoughts?  Am I too picky? 

Oh just wait . . . it gets better!